If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
