she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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