And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
