Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
