i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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