I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
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Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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