I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
