Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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