so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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