Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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