So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
