I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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