The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
