Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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