and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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