guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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