i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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