I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My balls are so social today.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
