great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
