I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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