I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
