wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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