I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
