Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
