I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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