My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
