just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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