her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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