so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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