Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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