Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
