If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
