Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
