i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
