after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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