Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
