someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
