It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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