i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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