you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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