That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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