Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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