I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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