I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
