giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Everclear isn't food dammit
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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