i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
