We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't turn off my feet"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
