my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
