Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
