did you get engaged???
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
