Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
