the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize