writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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