It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Randomize
