Cold hands, warm shart.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
