So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My penis needs a shock collar
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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