I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
