So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
