I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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