if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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