i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
